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Now featuring (more or less) corrected grammer! The quicky jokes encompass
everything (sexual, gross, etc.) except for racist/homosexual/religous jokes.
For those, click
here.
If you have quicky jokes that aren't on here, submit them below
Q: What happens when a piece of baseball equipment weds a G-string?
A: Simple, a bat marries a thong.
Q: How do you make a 10 year old boy cry twice? A: Wipe your
bloody dick on his teddy bear
Q: What's more dangerous than pulling out a shark's tooth? A:
Giving a porcupine a back rub
Q: Where do plants play football? A: The ivy league
Q: What do bees use to cut wood? A: Buzz saws
Q: What's brown and has holes in it? A: Swiss shit
Q: What can you catch but not throw? A: A cold
Q: What kind of clothing does a house wear? A: Address
Q: What kind of ties are too heavy to wear? A: Railroad ties
Q: How do rabbits travel? A: By hare plane
Q: Why couldn't the glass fool anyone? A: People could see
right through him
Q: What goes up and down the stairs without moving? A: A carpet
Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? A: He didn't have
the guts
Q: Where does a monkey go when he loses his tail? A: A retail
store
Q: When is a door not a door? A: When it is ajar
Q: What bird is always sad? A: A bluebird
Q: What do whales spread on their toast? A: Jellyfish
Q: What kind of room has no windows or doors? A: A mushroom
Q: What has four eyes but can not see? A: Mississippi
Q: What smells most in the kitchen? A: Your nose
Q: Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends? A: They're
too wrapped up in themselves
Q: When is the best time to visit the library? A: When there's
a title wave
Q: What did the dog say when it sat down on sandpaper? A: Ruff,
ruff
Q: What do you call rich air? A: Millionaire
Q: Why did the boy put a dictionary in his pants? A: Because
he wanted to be a smarty pants
Q: Where does a spider go for fun? A: His favorite web site.
(which of course is Squackle, we might add)
Q: What do you call a white man surrounded by indians? A: A
bartender
Q: What kind of guitars do whales play? A: Eel-letric guitars
Q: What do rabbits put into their computers? A: Hoppy discs
Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water? A: How can I
get hard? I just got layed.
Q: The United States Navy is the biggest Navy in the world. Who has
the 2nd largest navy in the world? A: The United States Army
Q: Why couldn't the skeleton add 1 + 1? A: Because it didn't
have a brain
Q: Why didn't the skeleton fuck his mom? A: Because he didn't
have a penis!
Q: What sea creature is always grumpy? A: A crab
Q: What did George Washington say to his men before they crossed the
Delaware River? A: "Get in the boat!"
Q: Did you hear about the two guys who stole everything out of a house
except the soap and towels? A: They were dirty crooks!
Q: Why do lions always eat raw meat? A: Because they don't
know how to cook.
Q: What happens when you throw a green rock into the Red Sea?
A: It gets wet.
Q: Did you hear about the mattress tester who was fired?
A: He stayed awake on the job.
Q: What did all the employees at the rubber band factory agree upon?
A: That their job was a snap!
Q: What is an Eskimo cow called? A: An eskimoo.
Q: What is a forum? A: A two-um plus a two-um.
Q: What letters did the man recite to his car when he ran out of gas?
A: O-I-C-U-R-M-T
Q: What do you call a very popular perfume? A: A best smeller.
Q: When two angels meet, what do they say to each other? A:
Halo!
Q: What was the Eskimo's favorite song? A: "Freeze (for he's)
a Jolly Good Fellow"
Q: What was the Pilgrims' favorite dance? A: The Plymouth Rock.
Q: How can you drop an egg four feet without breaking it? A:
Drop it from five feet. It won't break during the first four feet.
Q: Where did King Arthur take his girl friend on a date? A:
To a knight club (nightclub)
Q: How do you make a lemon drop? A: Hold it and let it go.
Q: What does a pig use to write with? A: A pigpen.
Q: What did Napoleon become after his twenty-ninth year? A:
Thirty years old.
Submitted by
turbo
drunken death monkey
What do you call nuts on your walls? Wallnuts
What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts
What do you call nuts on your chin? A dick in your mouth
Submitted by
blowthetoad
Q: Why did the poo cross the road? A: It never did; poo doesnt
have legs.
Submitted by
al
Q: What's pink, silver, and bumps into walls? A: A baby with
a fork in its eye!
Q: What has two legs and bleeds? A: Half a dog!
Submitted by
RADSTER
Q: Whats the white milky stuff on the bottom of a girls underwear?
A: Clitty litter
Submitted by
gzod7
Q: How can you tell this site is gay? A: Cause its as funny
as your mom on drugs
Submitted by
thecapedavenger
Q: How do you castrate a priest? A: Kick the altar boy in the
head.
Q: What's better than winning the para-olympics? A: Being able
to walk.
Submitted by
oldtrashy
Q: Whats the difference between acne and a Catholic Priest? A:
Acne comes on your face after puberty.
Submitted by
joel
liss
Q: What did Joel say to Kristin? A: Lets have sex!
Submitted by
rosina
Q: Why don't bunnies make noise when having sex? A: Cause they
have cotton balls
Submitted by
Go
Smoke A Toilet
Q: How many Godzillas does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A:
RAWWWWRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
Q: How many elephants does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A:
Ninety, but only if it's an Argon light.
Q: How many toilets does it take to smoke a jar? A: None, you
stupid ape!
Q: How many modems do you smoke before getting high? A: 12.
Q: Why are racist jokes so short? A: So racists can understand
them.
Q: What's the difference between a KKK member and a kangaroo?
A: The brand.
Q: Why do girls drink so many tapes? A: Because if they didn't,
they wouldn't smoke their periods.
Q: What do Popeye and a CD burner have in common? A: The gingerale
they both have in their eyes.
Q: Why do birds get burned in the magnifying glass factory? A:
Well, the reason that they get burned in the magnifying glass factory is
because THEY DON'T!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...you just wasted a minute of your
life reading my pointless joke!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA THE JOKE'S ON YOU
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
Q: Why does Popeye throw his fork in the toilet? A: Because
then he can throw bags of chips at Olive Oyl!
Submitted by
mr
Q: What's green, red, and spins around? A: A frog in a blinder
Submitted by
ferdinando
mozarella IXXX
Q: Why don't seagulls fly over bays? A: Because then they'd
be bagels.
Submitted by
elmers
glue
Q: Have you heard about that new pirate movie coming out? A:
Its rated AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH
Submitted by
Pencil
Q: What's 18 inches and scares women? A: Crib death
Q: How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb? A:
None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.
Submitted by
XxxGamerxxX
Q: What is blue, green, orange, and red all over your kitchen counter?
A: A blueberry pie with green apples and a little orange dye. And
if you're wondering about the red, it was my finger!
Submitted by
fagface
Q: What has 75 balls and screws old ladies? A: Bingo
Submitted by
lil'tweaka
Schwarzenegger has a big one
Michal J. Fox has a small one
Maddona doesnt have one
The Pope has one but doesn't use it
Clinton uses his all the time what is it?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
A last name! Were you thinking about something else?
Submitted by
Fz
Q: What's big and green, and if it fell out of a tree would hurt you?
A: A pool table!
Submitted by
nemo
Q: What's cold, blue, and sits in the corner? A: A dead baby
in a walmart bag.
Q: Whats pink and swings? A: A dead baby on a meat hook.
Q: What's easier to unload, a truck full of bowling balls or
dead babys? A: Babys, because you can use a pitchfork.
Submitted by
Rupert
Rigsby
Q: Why has Father Christmas got such a lousy sex life? A: Because
he only comes once a year.
Submitted by Mr. Awesome
Q: What's worse than swinging a dead baby from a clothesline?
A: Stopping it with a shovel.
Q: What spins around and taps the window? A: Dead baby
in a microwave.
Q: What's better than ten babies nailed to a tree? A: One baby
nailed to ten trees.
Q: What's funnier than a dead baby? A: A dead baby in a clown
suit.
Q: A Hummer goes off a cliff with 200 babies inside. What's the tragedy?
A: It could have fit 300.
Q: What's the difference between dead babies and Mustangs? A:
I don't have 20 Mustangs in my garage.
Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a treasure chest?
A: I don't dig up a treasure chest to eat it.
Submitted by
WindowLicker
Q: What's the difference between a dead baby's severed limb and a
marker? A: You don't get weird looks from people when you're
writing with a marker.
Q: What's the difference between a tampoline and a dead baby?
A: You take off your boots when you jump on a trampoline...
Submitted by
Boxtop11
Q: What's the difference between two idiots telling baby jokes and
a lobotomy patient? A: At least the lobotomy patient has half a brain!
Submitted by Sadistic freak
Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a rock?
A: You can't fuck a rock.
Submitted by
lampost
Q: What's funnier than seven dead babies in one wheelie bin? A:
One dead baby in seven wheelie bins.
Submitted by kayla
Q: What goes up but never comes down? A: Your age
Q: What's black, gray, and read all over? A: A newspaper
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic?
A: We know how many people went down on the Titanic.
Q: What's the difference between your mama and an ironing board? A:
An ironing board's legs are harder to get open
Submitted by Ben
Q: How do you get a nun pregnat? A: Dress her up as the altar
boy.
Q: What's black and blue and doesn't like sex? A: The little
boy in my basement
Q: What's the difference between watching the Lion King, and watching
holocaust footage? A: The Lion King doesnt give me a hard on
Q: What's three feet tall and gives great head? A: My son
Submitted by butterkunt
Q: Why was the yule log slimey? A: Because Santa came down
the chimney.
Q: Why is Bunker Hill slimy? A: Because the British are coming
Submitted by bm
Q: What did the snail say that was riding on the turtle back?
A: Weeeeeeeeeee
Submitted by Matt Kokoska
Q: What did the monkeys say when he cut his tail? A: It won't
be long now!
Submitted by tippy
Q: What's brown and sticky? A: A stick
Submitted by thaonenonlyLDW
Q: Did you hear the one about the alligator? A: Neither
did I. Maybe I'll know it later.
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Joke:
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