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How do you cure Amnesia?
davepoobond, Ph.D. - say they are a clown and they work with a trapeze man
that snuffs chalk dust. Then dress them up with purple clothes and send them
on tour
How do you cure the antisocial personality disorder?
davepoobond, Ph.D. - bust a cap in their ass
Leroy was hit in the head by a moving swing and was knocked unconscious.
Since it was a very hot day, his friend Eddie moved him into the shade before
going for help. What do you do?
davepoobond, Ph.D. - dump cold water on him and see if he wakes up. if not,
bury him cuz he's dead
elmoisfurry, M.D. - chop off his legs, give him apple juice
When Liz was babysitting for the Jacksons, two-year-old Timmy drank some
liquid from an unlabled bottle. When Liz found him, Timmy was pale and sweaty,
with stains from whatever he drank around his mouth. Liz immediately gave
him some syrup of ipecac to make him vomit. Then she called the poison control
center. What do you do?
davepoobond, Ph.D. - slap Timmy around and tell him he's a bad boy
elmoisfurry, M.D. - give him some LSD and have him think he's on a pony ride
While Jose and Ben were sledding, Jose was thrown from his sled, hitting
his head on a rock. Although conscious, he felt nauseated and too dizzy to
walk. Before going for help, Ben covered Jose with his coat and gave him
some hot chocolate from their thermos to keep him warm. What do you do?
davepoobond, Ph.D. - kick him once for good luck
elmoisfurry, M.D. - tie his legs and beat his stomach!
Nancy and Kyla were in the park, eating hamburgers and talking. Kyla who
had been lying on her back while she ate, suddenly jumped up and made strange
wheezing sounds as if she couldn't breathe or speak. Nancy saw that Kyla
was probably choking and ran to get some water for her.
davepoobond, Ph.D. - throw the water at her shoes, then give her the Heimlech
Manuever. Now for home base...
elmoisfurry, M.D. - do the Hokey pokey and turn yourself around that's what
choking is all about
Jane is a 25-year-old black woman who is pregnant for the first time.
Her husband's uncle has sickle-cell disease. Should Jane and her husband
consider genetic counseling?
davepoobond, Ph.D. - no, Jane needs a psychologist, because she don't know
how to pick the right fucked up men.
elmoisfurry, M.D. - who cares about the husband's uncle. Smack the baby around
and call him Nancy for all I care
Lisa is 42 years old and wants to have a second child. Lisa's husband
is 39 years old. Should Lisa and her husband consider genetic counseling?
davepoobond, Ph.D. - what a dumb bastard for marrying someone 3 years older
elmoisfurry, M.D. - god damn old people shouldn't have sex. They're old and
wrinkled
Maria is 30 years old and pregnant for the fourth time. She and her husband
already have three healthy daughters. They want to know if this baby is a
boy, should Maria and her husband consider genetic counseling?
davepoobond, Ph.D. - GOD DAMN! Four fuckin' times? Close your legs, whore!
elmoisfurry, M.D. - ::stab stab stab::
Stacy is 23 years old and married. She is pregnant for the second time.
Her first baby was health and normal. Stacy's sister just gave birth to a
baby with cystic fibrosis. Should Stacy consider counseling?
davepoobond, Ph.D. - hahahahahaha....aha hahahahahahahaha
elmoisfurry, M.D. - cystic fibrosis? Cystic fibrosis? Don't gimme no cystic
fibrosis. You should be more worried about her baby's daddy sneaking around
with Billy Ray the transvestite gardener from Hungary
Angela is anxious to have a child. Her last two pregnancies ended in
miscarriages. Angela is 28 years old and her husband is 30 years old. Should
Angela and her husband consider counseling?
davepoobond, Ph.D. - dumb bitch!! Adopt!!
elmoisfurry, M.D. - why do you people always ask US. Its not like we're
doctors...oh wait...we are...bye
You are babysitting for the Johnson twins. Jimmy Johnson comes up to you
crying. He has punctured the skin on his hand on a rusty nail. The wound
is bleeding badly. What do you do?
davepoobond, Ph.D. - hang the kid for being a dumbass, or leave him be...either
way, same result
elmoisfurry, M.D. - um...spank his ass and call him Sally
You are camping with your best friend Sharon. She decides to feed a raccoon
some bread crusts. The raccoon, frothing at the mouth, bites Sharon's finger.
The cut is not to deep, but something about the appearance and behavior of
the raccoon bothers you.
davepoobond, Ph.D. - shoot the raccoon and eat it for dinner
elmoisfurry, M.D. - if Sharon has rabies, shoot her and eat her at breakfast
Your next door neighbor is a chef at one of the restaurants in town. Four
weeks ago, he returned from a seven-day vacation, during which he enjoyed
plenty of seafood. For the past few days, your neighbor has stayed home from
work. He has a fever, and complains of a pain in the abdomen. When he returned
from his vacation, you noticed a yellowish tinge to his skin; at the time
you assumed he was merely tanned. The "tan" hasn't disappeared. What do you
do?
davepoobond, Ph.D. - poop on his face. Give him a REAL tan.
elmoisfurry, M.D. - uhhhhhh....what?
Dr. stimpyismyname - stick him in a dark room and smack him with an ugly
stick
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