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Home \
Other Junk \ Things
to Ponder
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Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
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If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
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If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
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Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
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Why do "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
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Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
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Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
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Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
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Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
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Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
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Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
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Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
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Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
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Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
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If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
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Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
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Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery?"
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Why is it that if someone tells you that there is 1 billion stars in the
universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint
on it you will have to touch it to be sure!
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Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section
in a swimming pool?
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OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa
Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee
Titans?
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys
it?
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Who closes the door after the bus driver gets off the bus?
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Why are pizza boxes square when the pizza is round?
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What ever happened to an E grade? We have A,B,C,D,F but no E.
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Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
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Don't you find it worrying that doctors call treating you their "practice"
?
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Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary?
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What do you call a female daddy long legs?
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If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?
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Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
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If a transport truck carrying a load of cars gets into a car accident, does
it increase the number of the cars in the pile-up?
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In France do people just ask for toast and get French toast? or do they have
to ask for American toast?
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Why is it called a "drive through" if you have to stop?
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Why does mineral water that has "trickled through mountains for centuries"
go out of date next year?
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If Milli Vanilli fell in the woods, would someone else make a sound ?
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Why are SOFTballs hard?
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Do vampires get AIDS?
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Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
crisp which no decent human being would eat?
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Why are they called goose bumps? Do geese get people bumps?
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Why is it that lemon dishsoap is made with real lemons, but lemon juice is
artificial flavoring?
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If you stole a pen from a bank then would it still be considered a bank robbery?
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Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
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Why can magicians make things disappear into thin air, but not thick air?
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Can people without hands get a grip?
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Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
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Why is the third hand on the watch called second hand?
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Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
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Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze
these dangly things here, and drink what ever comes out"?
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What do people in China call their good plates?
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Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?
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If feathers tickle people, do they tickle birds?
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Does a postman deliver his own mail?
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Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special
features, or just the movie itself?
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If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why
can't he fix a hole in a boat?
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Why dosent a chicken egg taste like chicken?
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Why is it that cargo is transported by ship while a shipment is transported
by car?
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Does peanut butter really have butter in it?
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Do mimes watch silent movies?
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Is the fear of flying groundless?
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Why do people say "You scared the living daylights out of me" when daylight
is not living?
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Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don't
point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
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Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going
to look up "there" anyway?
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If somebody vanished without a trace, how do people know they are missing?
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Why are boxing rings square?
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Why is it called pineapple, when's there neither pine nor apple in it?
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Why is it called eggplant, when there's no egg in it?
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Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?
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What was the best thing before sliced bread?
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Why do birds have white poop?
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Can good looking Eskimo girls be called hot?
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Why is an elevator still called an elevator even when its going down?
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Why is an electrical outlet called an outlet when you plug things into it?
Shouldn't it be called an inlet.
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If love is blind, how can we believe in love at first sight?
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If you accidently ate your own tongue, what would it taste like?
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Do sore thumbs really stick out?
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Why is it when your almost dead your on deaths doorstep, but when your actually
dead your not in deaths house?
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Why do we scrub Down and wash Up?
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What's the opposite of opposite?
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If Practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice?
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Why are toe nail clippers bigger than finger nail clippers when your toe
nails are smaller than your finger nails?
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Is the opposite of "out of whack" "in whack"
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If you try to fail and suceed, what did you just do?
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Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both
dogs!
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Why is the blackboard green?
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Why do they call it a black light when it's really purple?
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Why do hotdogs come in packs of 8 when hotdog rolls come in packs of 10?
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What do you call male ballerinas?
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How come the sun makes your skin darker but your hair lighter?
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If you dig a tunnel straight through the earth, will you come out with your
feet first?
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Why are pennies bigger than dimes?
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Did they have antiques in the olden days?
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Are zebras black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?
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If Pringles are "so good that once you pop, you can't stop" why do they come
with a resealable lid?
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Is a sleeping bag a nap sack?
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What came first, the fruit or the color orange?
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Where does the white go when the snow melts?
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Can blind people see their dreams?
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What is the exception to the rule that every rule has an exception? Does
that make this rule right or wrong?
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Why do you click on start to exit Microsoft Windows?
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Have you ever wondered why Trix are only for kids?
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
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If we all evolved from monkeys, how come there's still monkeys around now?
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Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally
can't go that fast on any road?
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Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work
anymore?
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If Wile Coyote had enough money for all that Acme crap, why didn't he just
buy dinner?
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If masochists like to torture themselves, wouldn't they do it best by not
torturing themselves? and if so, aren't we all masochist?
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why is it called lipstick when it always comes off?
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why is black history month (February) the shortest month of the year?
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If when people freak out they are said to be "having a cow", when cows freak
out are they said to be "having a person?"
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Aren't you tired of people asking you rhetorical questions and you don't
know if they are rhetorical questions or not?
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Why is a person that handles your money called a BROKER?
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Why do we leave expensive cars in the drivway, when we keep worthless junk
in the garage?
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why do they have handicap parking spaces in front of they skating rings?
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What happens if someone loses a lost and found box?
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Why do they call it taking a dump? Shouldn't it be leaving a dump?
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What if the hokey-pokey really is what it's all about?
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Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty is an egg?
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If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests?
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
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Why do banks leave the door wide open but the pens chained to the counter?
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What would happen if an Irresistable Force met an Immovable Object?
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What's the difference between a wise man and a wise guy?
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If Americans throw rice at weddings, do the Chinese throw hamburgers?
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how can you chop down a tree and then chop it up?
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Why are both male and female ladybugs called ladybugs instead of ladybugs
and manbugs?
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How can you hear yourself think?
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If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
then what is baby oil made from?
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Is a man full of wonder a wonderful man?
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Is a hot car cool or is a cool car hot?
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How come thaw and unthaw mean the same thing?
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If The Flintstones were B.C. and before America, why did they have Flintstones
Thanksgiving and Flintstones Christmas?
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If a Man is talking in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him,
is he still wrong?
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Why is it that when a person tells you there's over a million stars in the
universe you believe them, but if someone tells you there's wet paint somewhere,
you have to touch it to make sure?
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if you fed a bee nothing but oranges, would it start making marmalade?
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Why is it you get a penny for your thoughts, but have to put in your two
cents worth?
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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
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If the speed of movement is slower than the speed of light - how fast is
a moving light?
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why do you get on a bus and a train but get into a car?
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Why is it good to be a Daddy's girl, but bad to be a Momma's boy?
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How can something be new and improved? if it's new, what was it improving
on?
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Is Disney world the only people trap operated by a mouse?
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Why did they name that underwear company fruit of the loom?
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Why do grocery stores buy so many checkout line registers if they only keep
3 or 4 open?
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Why is the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star the same tune?
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Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
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How does santa get into a house that doesn't have a chimney?
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If you get cheated by the better business bereau, who do you complain to?
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If you're in hell, and are mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
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What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?
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What would Cheese say if they got their picture taken?
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why are turds pinched off at the end?
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I know you can be overwhelmed, and I know you can be underwhelmed, but can
you just be whelmed?
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If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her friends?
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Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he
doesn't usually wear any pants?
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If you take an oriental person and spin him around a few times, does he become
disoriented?
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How come overtones and undertones are the same thing?
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What would you use to dilute water?
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What should one call a male ladybird?
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How can military troops be deployed if they have never been ployed to begin
with?
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If you lived in Siberia and you wronged the Russians government, where would
they send you?
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Why do they call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere but call
it a hemorrhoid when its in your ass?
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If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?
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Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
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Aren't all generalizations false?
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Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
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Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
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Can I get arrested for running into a Fire House yelling Movie! Movie!?
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Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
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Could someone ever get addicted to counseling?
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If so, how could you treat them?
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Did Adam and Eve have navels?
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Did the early settlers ever go on a camping trip?
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Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
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But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!
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Do fish get cramps after eating?
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Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
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Do one legged ducks swim in circles?
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Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as 4's?
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Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
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Does the Postmaster General need a stamp of approval?
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Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
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How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a
few are alike?
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How can someone "draw a blank"?
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How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
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How can there be "self help GROUPS"?
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when
someone threw a gun at him?
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How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is
dead?
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How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign? How do you know
when yogurt goes bad?
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How do you know when you're out of invisible ink?
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How does a shelf salesman keep his store from looking empty?
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How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
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How fast do you have to go to keep up with the sun so you're never in darkness?
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
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If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
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If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
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If a synchronized swimmer drowns, does her partner also have to drown?
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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other
trees make fun of it?
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If a tree fell on a mime in the forest, would he make a sound and would anyone
care?
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If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
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If a woman can be a meter maid, can a man be a meter butler?
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called
a yellow?
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If God dropped acid, would he see people?
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How many people thought of the Post-It note before it was invented but just
didn't have anything to jot it down on?
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
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If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the
doors?
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If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles
away?
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If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
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If a bus station is where a bus stops, and a train station is where a train
stops, why do I have a work station on my desk?
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If a case of the clap spreads, is it then considered a case of the applause?
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If a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands butter
side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?
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If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him?
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If a dog sweats through his tongue, why does he have armpits?
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If a jogger runs a the speed of sound can he still hear his walkman?
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If a mute child swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
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If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
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If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all
still working?
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If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called
a yellow?
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If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
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If God sneezes...what should you say?
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If inert is to be stationary, what is ert?
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If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold
tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
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If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?
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If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?
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If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
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If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
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If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? If one
synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called
Holes?
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If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
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If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with, "Quit while
you're ahead"?
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If soap is used to make you clean, why does it leave a scum?
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If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek, does he
automatically lose because he can't find himself?
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If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
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If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill herself, is it
considered a hostage situation? If superglue is so good, why doesn't it stick
to the side of the tube?
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If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?
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If the cops arrest a mime, do they have to tell him he has the right to remain
silent?
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If the Energizer Bunny attacks someone, is it charged with battery?
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If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call
you first?
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If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
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If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
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If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently?
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If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings,
why don't they wear a pair of bras?
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If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
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If you bear a child, why do you have a cow?
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If you can read the marking, isn't that end already up?
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If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor,
and why do bars have parking lots?
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If you dive into a pool of dry ice, can you swim without getting wet?
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If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the driver
end up owing you money?
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If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
what do you call it?
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If you have a friend who works for the Psychic Friends Network, should you
plan a surprise birthday party for them?
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If you have an open mind why don't your brains fall out?
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If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects
in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?
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If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?
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If you play a blank tape at full volume and have a mime for a neighbor, will
he complain?
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If you put freeze-dried coffee in the microwave, will you go back in time?
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If you spend your day doing nothing, how do you know when you're done?
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If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?
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If you take a shower, where do you put it?
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If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?
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If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
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If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia can you read correctly?
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If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on,
what happens?
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Instead of talking to your plants, if you yell at them would they still grow,
only to be troubled and insecure?
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Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
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Is it possible to be totally partial?
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Is it progress if a cannibal learns to eat with a fork?
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Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
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Is there a Dr. Salt?
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Isn't hot water already hot?
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Can you grow birds by planting birdseed?
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Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?
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Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
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Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
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Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?
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Shouldn't it be some things in moderation?
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Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?
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There are 24 hours in a day, and 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
-
What came first the chicken or the egg?
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What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
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What colour would a smurf turn if you choked it?
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What did we do before the Law of Gravity was passed?
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What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
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What do sheep count when they can't sleep?
-
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered
plants?
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What does it mean if you break a mirror with a rabbits foot?
-
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
-
What happened to the first 6 ups?
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What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
-
What happens when you call a 1-800 number collect?
-
What is a free gift?
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Aren't all gifts free?
-
What is another word for "thesaurus"?
-
What is the speed of dark?
-
What part of the monkey do you use a monkey wrench on?
-
What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered
plant?
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What's another word for synonym?
-
When blind people go to the bathroom, how do they know when they are done
wiping their butt?
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When people lose weight, where does it go?
-
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
-
When vultures are on their deathbed, are they ever tempted to eat themselves?
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When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
-
When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
-
When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're
just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
-
When you're sending someone styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
-
Where are Preparations A through G?
-
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
-
Who invented accents?
-
Who tows the tow trucks when they break down?
-
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
-
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid
to have a Chapter 11?
-
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
-
Why are the cabs from the Yellow Cab Company painted orange?
-
Why are there never any artist's materials in a drawing room?
-
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
-
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
-
Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?
-
Why are we afraid of falling?
-
Shouldn't we be afraid of the sudden stop?
-
Why aren't there bullet-proof pants?
-
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
-
Why didn't Luke Skywalker tell Darth Vader to turn to the light side of the
Force?
-
Why do airlines call flights nonstop?
-
Won't they all stop eventually?
-
Why do bars advertise live bands?
-
What does a dead band sound like?
-
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
-
If your feet smell and your nose runs, are you built upside down?
-
Why do guys wear underpants?
-
Why do people who only eat natural foods drink decaffeinated coffee?
-
Why do they call it disposable douche?
-
Is there a kind of douche you keep after using?
-
Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
-
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
-
Why do they report power outages on TV?
-
Why do they sell a pound cake that only weighs 12 ounces?
-
Why do 'tug'boats push their barges?
-
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
-
Why do we have hot water heaters?
-
Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
-
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?
-
Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?
-
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
-
Why do you weep and sniffle over a TV program and the imaginary Why does
"cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?
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Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
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Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?
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Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
-
Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?
-
Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?
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Why don't you ever hear about gruntled employees?
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Why don't you ever see baby pigions?
-
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives
a race car not called a racist?
-
Why is a women's prison called a penal colony?
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Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
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Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named
after?
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Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
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Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?
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Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
-
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment,
but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
-
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down
the volume on the radio? Why is it when a door is open it's ajar, but when
a jar is open it's not adoor?
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Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"?
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Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
-
Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains
real lemons?
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Why is Mickey Mouse bigger than his dog Pluto?
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Why is the alphabet in that order?
-
Is it because of that song?
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Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?
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Don't you have to get up to get to the tape?
-
Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
-
Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
-
Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?
-
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
-
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
-
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
-
You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package
says, "Open somewhere else"?
-
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
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After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the
water?
-
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why
can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
-
Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?
-
Have ex-bankers become disinterested?
-
Have ex-civil lawyers been distorted?
-
Have ex-locomotive engineers been derailed?
-
Have ex-mathematicians become dysfunctional?
-
Have ex-punsters been expunged?
-
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze
these dangly things here, and drink what ever comes out"?
-
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don't
point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
-
If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests?
-
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives
a race car not called a racist?
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