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For years now the great Squirrel Army has been trying to conquer the world,
unbeknown to the public. Through their clever and devious military tactics,
they have succeeded thus far in conquering the sixteen (16) small countries
in Africa and Asia, including; Gambia, Guinea-Bissau, Comoros, Lesotho,
Mauritius, Swaziland, Reunion (which they call Crap Land, for some reason-maybe
they don’t like the French), Oman, East Timor, Bhutan, Kyrgyz Stan,
Turkmenistan, North Korea (yes, Squirrels have nukes!), Tajikistan, Cyprus,
and Maldives. Well, I said included, but that’s all of them. Don’t
complain; now you know where not to go!
Only the amazing defenders of all things not Evil Squirrel related, the
Uber-Peanut Army (or Peanut Army for shortish) has stopped them from a more
complete conquest. Yes, you read that right! Super Peanuts are at war with
Evil Squirrels in order to stop them from taking over the world!
Not too long ago, in fact, the Squirrels were close to winning, but in what
seemed like the end of all things non-Evil Squirrel related, new hope arose;
the Great and Mighty Almost-All Powerful Orange Peanut!
Now, as you know (or at least I do) anything Orange (with a capitol O, that
is) is magical. Now, in Orange Peanut, the O is most definitely capitol,
so the logical conclusion is that Orange Peanut is magical, right? Of course
it’s right! So, this Orange Peanut was a magical Super Peanut who rose
to be the leader of the Peanut People
and…um…uh…hmmm….*thinking of words*………laid
the smack-down on those friggin’ Squirrels!
Well, he actually didn’t do it by himself, or with just him and his
Peanut Army; he help from a Singing Cat named Juke (that is; Juke the Singing
Cat), but that’s a REALLY long story, so for now we’ll just say
he did it alone.
After he whooped the Squirrel Army’s ass, he began a top secret project
(actually his scientists did, but it was really his idea). It was a really
good plan, meant to make a super race of Peanuts. And guess what? It worked.
After three long years working, his scientist devised a plan to make all
the Peanut People into Super Peanuts; they painted the entire populace of
Peanut City (for security reasons I can’t tell where that is-never trust
anyone!) Orange and changed their name’s from Peanut People to Orange
Peanut People (the city was also called Orange Peanut City). Now that all
the Peanuts were magical, the easily kept the Squirrels at bay, but failed
to defeat them because the Squirrels had gained a new ally; Brussels-Sprouts!
I know Brussels-Sprouts aren’t Orange, but they ARE magically EVIL!
I mean, they stink, they taste bad, and they give you really bad gas! Can’t
much more magically evil than that, can you?
Well, enough un-important details (for now)! I really should get back to
the history of the Orange Peanuts.
So anyway, the Orange Peanut People fought bravely (and magically) for many,
many years. After many, many years, though, they decided that their name-Orange
Peanut People-was way to long and ugly, so they shortened it to Orange Peanuts.
That’s a lot better, huh?
Ever since then (which was a rather ling time ago) the Orange Peanuts have
been fighting and dieing bravely to protect everything non-Evil Squirrel
related.
So help the cause; if you see a squirrel that looks even mildly evil, kill
the bitcher!
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