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\ davepoobond Quotes
- "You touch, you die"
- "Wrestling is like soap operas, but instead of crying to solve their problems
they kick each other’s asses"
- "Life is a video game. And I’m the main character, its the best 1st
person game you’ll ever get"
- "Up your butt around the corner 3 blocks away from Fred’s Manure table!"
- "Mooning someone is like losing your virginity"
- "Cybering online = losing your online virginity"
- "I am I"
- "Treat other people the same way they treat you"
- "Oceans fart and smell"
- "Waves are aftershocks of the ocean's fart"
- "Houses house laughing refrigarators"
- "Moons dance with planets"
- "Eyes can see things that are seen"
- "Cigarettes are mini devils"
- "Who controls the past, controls the future, who controls the present now,
has to deal with Bill Clinton!"
- "fart........."
- "my sister is a prissy pony!"
- "hhhhhaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaa hhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"
- "ok, everybody! put on your cottage cheese dresses and whip cream hats!
we're goin to the super market!"
- "whee! are you bored and just plain "energy-less?" listen to old
pop, and it'll perk you right up!"
- "ahhh! theres chemicals in the air, mutating human kind little by
little....and i'm loving it!"
- "a man can only be measured by the size of his unibrow"
- "Plumbers have red toilets in their ears"
- "South America is in the South!"
- "Mexican food is made mainly of burritos and beans"
- "The Aztecs died"
- "Mrs. Dyke didn't take a shower, she smells!"
- "China has the best harbors in China"
- "I really dislike that DYKE"
- "resolve poo poo conflicts"
- "real friends don't let friends take drugs, but who thinks that?"
- "disover. plan. do! NOTHING!"
- "you will learn most effectively when you poo harder and have fun at the
same time"
- "learn how to poo. keep you interest high, your anxiety low, and approach
each piece with enthusiasm"
- "demand top pooing performance. If you don't think you can do it, who will?"
- "when pooing, change your task every hour to ensure top mental performance.
E.G. poo first, then answer questions"
- "take responsibility for your actions. who else will poo for you?"
- "All our dreams can come true, we just have to push them out of our butts"
- "Poo is one of nature's most fragile things, but they just look what they
can do when they stick together"
- "Use your own poop to make note-taking easier and faster"
- "Live each poop as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the
fruits of your labor, and resign yourself to the influences of each poop"
- "fear less, poop MORE"
- "eat less, poop less"
- "Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the
fragile blossom that opens when you poo"
- "Balance extracurricular activities with academics. Don't try to doo doo
too much - it will negatively affect your anus. Who wants a big butt hole?"
- "Use your butt efficiently; check the Success Guide before sitting on the
toilet"
- "Spend 5 minutes pooping your ideal future. Doing well in your poops will
help you make it a reality"
- "Get involved in your class. You learn more when you contribute, by farting,
to the topic being discussed"
- "Never neglect your health, either physical or mental. Never sacrafice
time too poop for any other advantage"
- "Use your minutes wisely! A tremendous amount of work can be done during
small breaks between pooping"
- "With multiple poop questions, use a process of elimination. Cross off
all wrong answers: the correct poop will be left"
- "Learn more by pooping more. What's important here? How does this fit in?
What doesnt make sense? Why? Am I a dumbass?"
- "What's most important to do today? Do it first. It should be to poop"
- "Working through word problems? Poop them out - you'll solve them faster"
- "Take a 10 minute break for every 50 minutes of pooping. Stretch and exercise
a little to keep yourself fresh"
- "Better to be a smart ass than a dumbass"
- "Better on the floor, than in my shoe"
- "I'm gonna play it by ear. Play it by ear?"
- "If my name were an object, it would be a part of a desk because I sit
around all day"
- "If my name were a word, it would be a name because it is a name"
- "If my name were an emotion, it would be a pie because pies are good"
- "If my name were a song, it would be a good one because no one would make
a song called Dave"
- "If my name were an animal, it would be a hyena because they are funny"
- "If my name were a season, it would be summer because summer is too long
of a word"
- "If my name was a time of day, it would be 2:30 because school gets out
then"
- "Better on the floor than in/on my shoe"
- "Who knows? No one knows! Except Dominos"
- "You and your friends poop in my house"
- "When I see a mosaic, I know its not a melting pot!"
- "The vehement puppy died."
- "The languid kitty learned to dance."
- "The guttural General was thrown into really bad tasting milk."
- "The old man has a lot of sagacity, and gas."
- "The man had a fervent fever."
- "The old dog died like myriad"
- "The tacit cat pooed in the den."
- "He is a lackluster."
- "He was a sinuous dead person."
- "You practice pooping in my house"
- "I love pooping in my house"
- "You poop in my car"
- "You and your friends poop in my house"
- "I like the expensive cheeses"
- "Please give me 3.675 cents"
- "Send this to the meat factory!"
- "Their clothes got shredded in the shredder"
- "There are 5 people in the vat of yogurt"
- "They're going to jump off the cheese!"
- "Don't lie down, I know where you were last night! Sleeping in a trash
can, I should slap you!"
- Lay down on the mattress and I'll dump all types of cheese on you"
- "She has lain down on the ground of cheese"
- "Whether or not you like it, you're going to eat this cheese, now!"
- "The weather is so hot it melts cheese"
- "Whose is that cheese? "
- "Who's the cheese? "
- "The cat ate its cheese"
- "The cheese is feeling well"
- "That's some good spam"
- "I'm going to tie spam around my waist"
- "Your spam is alive!"
- "You're turning into cheese!"
- "Be quiet! I can hear your cheese all the way over here!"
- "That's quite enough with your cheese"
- "I want plain cheese!"
- "Will you eat cheese on a plane?"
- "That's formally stupid"
- "I am formerly a cheese maker...those were the days"
- "The desert melts cheese for me"
- "Of course you can have cheese! "
- "I want cheese for dessert"
- "The cheese is coarse"
- "My advice is for cheese only"
- "I advise you to eat cheese"
- "Are you all ready with the cheese?"
- "All right already! I have cheese!"
- "A side effect of cheese is bad breath"
- "All together now, lets sing the cheese song!"
- "There is a capital C in cheese"
- "The capital of cheese is chees-opolis"
- "Beside the cheese is the yogurt"
- "The cheese is stationary"
- "I've shown him how to make cheese using a fork and some water"
- "The moral is to eat cheese, of course"
- "The high council likes to eat cheese every meal"
- "The fewer cheeses there are in the world, less happiness will be around"
- "Less cheese? Are you crazy? "
- "Don't go any further away from the cheese! You may lose power"
- "Don't go any farther wihout your backpack of cheese"
- "The cheese is loose and fell off"
- "I'm gonna lose my cheese! "
- "I passed cheese road on my way to the cheese store"
- "The man past away when his cheese was stolen"
- "The personal cheese is important to survival"
- "The personnel made cheese in the cheese factory"
- "I will accept you into my group of pants"
- "Everyone except the cheese, come with me"
- "You are going to be my refrigarator, now!"
- "Am I coming on the "bounce the ball" ride, too?"
- "Their cheese is burned, but ours aren't! "
- "There are too many cheese blasters! We can't hold them back!"
- "They're going to purify the soil by spreading stinky manure over it...not
very pure if you ask me"
- "Don't lie to ME Sandy-Jones-in-the-box-with-no-pants!"
- "I lay you down on a pile of yogurt, and you disappear!"
- "Let's go get a maid, then we can get laid in a big pile of manure"
- "My principle is to make your life miserable by tossing clumps of cheese
at you"
- "The principal of the cheese factory had a heart attack"
- "Whether you like it or not, melted cheese showers are good for the mind
and soul"
- "Who's going to give me shampoo made of cheese, again?"
- "Which one of whose is mind there where he is?"
- "I'm scared of cold yogurt in a trash can"
- "I'm looking at towels"
- "It's about time you arrived, Mr. Snaggle"
- "The dog was eating its tail"
- "We gave the fruit to the men"
- "I'm pollinated!"
- "Make the iguana be quiet"
- "I'm in my PE clothes... older pe clothes. not my new ones. ....it's my
house clothes."
- "Welcome...to the town square of HELL!!! AHAHAHAHA!"
- "Heavy drinkers risk to buy an alcoholic beverage"
- "Some people do not drink the families of alcoholics"
- "la la la la la la la la la"
- "poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo"
- " wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah"
- "blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah"
- "boink boink boink boink boink boink boink boink boink"
- "yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda"
- "yoink yoink yoink yoink yoink yoink yoink yoink yoink"
- "flo flo flo flo flo flo flo flo flo"
- "such a nice number, turned into doodooed"
- "just do D!"
- "$20 in shorts"
- "better to be a smart ass than a dumbass"
- "oop ba-pa oop ba-pa oop ba-paaa" ::singing along with a song from Grease::
- "gotta go make a sandwich...a poop sandwich in my toilet!"
- "put it on Squackle!"
- "Let's put it on Squackle!"
- "he did it! he did it! oh wait, its Jennifer Aniston, he didn't" ::talking
about someone trying to fix the TV in the room, but didn't actually say it::
- "oi! oi!"
- "Hye boys! Its not Mike Tyson time!"
- "yeah ok I have that"
- "actually, no he wasn't he was locked in a closet"
- "you ate it all already?"
- "yeah you are, you are going to get a car"
- "if we call Pacfic Sun 'PacSun' and Pacifc Bell 'PacBell' why don't we
call the Pacific Ocean 'PacOcean?'"
- "ugly, with a capital UG!"
- "your pretty--pretty ugly!"
- "your funny--funny looking!"
- "snow white...stupid pale ass!"
- "Its mine now! hahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha-bitch!"
- "I have strong scalp muscles"
- "poop on Erik P"
- "you are we-ta-ded"
- "he's dumb. he's dumb."
- "Mendel need BioChem"
- "cut faster, bitch!"
- "Hi. I like ketchup"
- "I'm alleric to mornings"
- "collecting fonts is like a pokemon quest in a way"
- "if you start earlier, you get off earlier"
- "kau-chh..."
- "blahlbhalba"
- "I shit my knees!"
- "The judge had discreet, so he let the innocent man go"
- "the timid little creature had bit Barney on the leg"
- "the beeper's trill had made the guy throw up"
- "overwrought with the birthday party he's having, Little Johnny couldn't
go to sleep"
- "the boy had an uncanny look on his face when his mom gave him a million
dollars"
- "the teacher remonstrated that the bully can't get away without getting
in trouble"
- "The Goodwill divulges their profits to charity and homeless people" above
it there's a comment by Mr. Dork: divulge is to mean reveal a secret
- "'Today was very sullen.' Said the weather forecaster"
- "The quaint computer is over 3 years old. Its an antique"
- "The stout little gopher had eaten the dead gerbil, hamster, rat, mouse,
and beaver because of a dare made by another gopher buddy"
- "I am compelled to get a new computer, my computer is so old"
- "The stealth airplane had given a weak signal to the radar guys"
- "'I have no idea what irridescent means Mr. Wimplespoon!' said the child."
under it, Mr. Dork says "make sure you know, Mr. Poobond!"
- "why burp and taste it when you can fart and taste it?"
- "I don't trust having all of my prteins in one simple protein drink. I
can't trust anything that you usually can feel that is grounded up and put
into a drink"
- ::someone says "fuck repeatedly 10 times at least:: "auch! My virgin ears!"
- "::burps:: ::farts:: ::yawns:: ::sneezes:: excuse me"
- "ewww! I got chlorophyll on my pants!"
- "I never thought about being gay until I read that play. Hey, that rhymes!"
- "its all shat up"
- "heal da bitch!"
- "ruuuuuuunn!!"
- "KICK AAAAAHHHH!!"
- "meteors don't make good fertilizer"
- "the person in the tree is a woman!"
- "I want a big bottle of glucose
- "speakin' of leaks, I gotta take a leak"
- "New England won, kitty! New England won!"
- "tall bitches can't live forever!"
- "I look like a cottage in the woods when I put this on!"
- "did you fart? It smells like pineapple"
- "a man is measured only how much a man he really is by his leg hairs,
…and for women that look like men, too. If you shave your legs, you
may as well be a woman."
- "even from the grave, she torments us!" ::talking about Ms. Boms who isn't
really dead::
- "I'll pass on passing out..."
- "can I get some ass with that cupcake? ::gets slapped::"
- "when the first black president goes into office, a comet will hit the
Earth, just like in Deep Impact!"
- "I came to leave"
- "so, I'm just playing the flute?"
- "what's boring about women running around with sticks, huh?"
- "Lets all bet on the ponies, sit back, drink booze and fart!"
- "if you F with the monkeys, the monkeys will F you"
- "screw the French, yo!"
- "poets that don't know how to write are bad poets"
- "skinny = get some, fat = eat some"
- "Its fucking Africa! You don't get cold in Africa in the middle of the
day!"
- "8 for a dog?"
- "I don't like you using my calculator like you use your mom"
- "I would give up style for convenience any day"
- "ok ::shakes head:: ::laughs::"
- "::laughs::"
- "it's a...::laughs::"
- "::yawns for 10 seconds then laughs for no reason!"
- "uh heh heh...heh heh heh!"
- "::waves pencil, then clicks it::"
- "looks like wavis"
- "::picks binder::"
- ""it's not a quote, it's just a...it's just an action"
- "::sniffs::"
- "::yawns::"
- "mans don't have boobs"
- "no thanks, please"
- "it took a national tragedy for MTV to play music videos again"
- "monkey see, monkey do. Monkey don't see, monkey don't do"
- "I want to be a Bond Girl!"
- "whoopee, it's on DVD!"
- "its not modern, its just dumb!"
- "If you're having so much trouble with Algebra 2, maybe you should take
Algebra 1 twice, like I did"
- "is your MOM in standard form?"
- "there's no Kleenex! fuck! I'm gonna die!"
- ::imitating Dr. OldNBald:: "I don't wanna spend 50 hours grading your tests
on the weekend, I wanna Sunday Night Football and Monday Night Football instead
of just Monday Night Football"
- "fuk u =)"
- "how do you get away with using a verb as a noun? Let's have an eat!"
- "I'd rahter be late than wait"
- "The end of the world is coming, and I STILL have to take the SATs...."
- "no to the no"
- "the reason why Arab women are in veils, is because most of them are horrid
to look at, and it makes the Arabs feel sad to see them because they're so
ugly and hairy, and only gives them a reminder everytime they see one of
them that all of them will be ugly forever"
- "y'see that double s makes an 'I' sound"
- "apple heads are orgasmic, aren't they?"
- "char squared plus d squared what??"
- "yeah, I'd much rather do math problems than watch TV" ::responding to
Dr. OldNBald saying Algebra is fun
- "When going to prom, there are two things you can be. A sucker and
a loser. A sucker goes and a loser stays at home"
- "Victor...How's the boyfriend?"
- "Take on meeeee....I'll be gonneee! In a day or twooooooooooooooo!!!"
- "Is a-there a point-a to a this-a?"
- "what is he doing? 10.7 isn't bigger than 29.7..." ::talking about Dr.
OldNBald::
- "The jovial friencds loved going to Chuck E. Cheese"
- "The destitute community got no help from the government"
- "The facetious old man always had bad jokes to tell"
- "The atmosphere of the room was morose, with the discovery of bad news"
- "The caustic acid burnt through the table"
- "oooh...solitaire.... ::farts in his sister's face while she's playing::"
- "koalas only eat them, and they would die"
- "less water means less fish can be in it at the same time and they'd die"
- "The construction company left their bulldozers here, so there is a lot
on our roof."
- "There is toxic barrels of toxic stuff under our feet"
- "Someone smacked me with a ruler and cut my hand open, it is my intent
to put a band-aid on now"
- "There is blood stains all over the house and won't come off the walls.
Should we move?"
- "the bread is moldy"
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