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Once upon a time there was an artist. He was an Impressionist that seemed
to paint the saddest looking paintings when he used a particular pallet.
He nicknamed the pallet George Jatus Sicklehymer Smit III, but for short,
George.
George wasn't really ever happy. He wasn't popular in school, got bad grades,
and didn't get his first thumbing until he was 25. George was the saddest
pallet in the world, and when the artist painted with him, the saddest shades
of every color on him came out on the canvas.
One day, in the pallet box, Jonathon Ronald John Esquire (John for short)
and Elizabeth Louise Patrick (Lizzy for short) were all sitting around drinking
alcoholic paint. John and Lizzy had been going out for about 15 years, and
often got their paint mixed up on each other, (if you know what I mean) and
George often envied them, because he wanted to mix pain with someone, too.
So John and Lizzy, knowing how sad George was, thought they should help him
out a bit. They thought it would be good for George to go to the paint store,
and check out the teenagers. We all need some under-aged love sometimes,
y'know. George thought about it, and decided to go along with what they
suggested. As soon as George left, John and Lizzy made a mess of paint. There
was so much paint dripping and squirting, it was nasty to watch.
Anywayyyy! George went to Mr. Rosebud's Paint Shoppe. There were a lot of
nice pallets and he liked the way their holes looked. He met a simple 15
year old pallet named Sandra. Sandra was actually a whore, but George didn't
know that, even though she had a tag that said "Whore Paint Supplies" and
was priced at $8.99 without tax. It may give the impression that she was
$8, like those damn corporate businesses want us to think, but its really
$9! They think they can trick us with their sly methods of deceiving!
So then George and Sandra squirted some paint around (if you know what I
mean) and when George found out Sandra was a whore, he shot her, then shot
John and Lizzy and the artist. George was finally happy, as he was carted
off to an art school.
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