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the Clown and the Evil Dr. Muffin
Chapter 1 Moose D. Cloun
The year is 1996. We are in a small town outside of New York,
the site of a small traveling circus. Let’s go inside…
"I want to hear them LAUGH!!! Got that Moose?! I want to hear them laugh
so hard their stomachs come out their mouths….. literally! Okay?!" yells
the Circus Manager.
"Duh, should I make a cheeeeese joke, coach?" asks Moose.
"Yeah, whatever," mumbles Coach.
"Duh, oh happy day," says Moose
Moose enters the ring. Everyone "boos" loudly, but Moose still has the same
dumb expression on his face, his eyes glazed over, and his tongue hanging
out. He runs right into the diving board ladder and bounces over to the tiger
cage where he slams his face right between the bars. (This was not in the
act!) Moose starts screaming as the tiger eats his fake nose, takes a bite
out of his hat, and when it was about to devour moose’s right ear, Moose
gets out. The crowd is roaring with laughter. Moose then stumbles around
until he remembers what he is supposed to be doing.
"Duh, oh yeah, why did the chicken cross the road?" says Moose.
"Why?" the whole crowd says at once.
"Knockity knock knock!"
"Who’s there?" yells the crowd together.
"Gaaa! Who’s there!" yells Moose.
By the time Moose was going to sing his song, everyone was either gone or
leaving.
"Duh, where did everybody go?" says Moose after his act was over, "I wanted
to do my cheeeeese joke!"
" They’re all gone," says the Coach, "oh well… To the next hopeless
town, Moose!"
"Duh, oh boy! Maybe I’ll get to say my cheese joke!" says Moose happily.
"Yeah, whatever, I need some new clowns," mumbles the coach.
Chapter 2 The Cheese Mafia
Now we travel to an abandoned warehouse somewhere in Texas…
There is a cute little squirrel sitting at a table. Across from him is Dr.
Muffin, a mad scientist bent on global domination. In front of him is Squack,
the normal one.
"Soon I will rule the world! Hah, ha, ha, ha , ha, ha, ha, and ha!! I just
need one more piece for my giant cheese Electro magnet! Then, once I have
all the cheese in the world, my plan will be complete! Mwah ha, ha! Ha!
Ha!.....ha!" laughs Dr. Muffin. "The only problem is how to get a 30 ft lima
bean……… I mean a clown that likes cheese…"
"Um, sir, maybe I could be of assistance," says Squack, "I know of this certain
traveling circus. I think it might have the perfect clown for us. His name
is Moose D. Cloun. He is smart enough to breathe, but that’s about it.
He’ll never suspect a thing."
"Hmmm, I like it… Yes perfect! Ha!" laughs Dr. Muffin
All of a sudden Squack and Dr. Muffin start laughing, "HAAH, HAA, HAA!!!!
HA, HA, HAAAAAA!!!! Hee, hee…….HAAAA!!!! HA, HA, HA, HA…."
And so on.
Little do Dr. Muffin and Squack know, but the cute little squirrel (named
Moo) had sneaked out. Don’t worry, Moo has big eyes, that means he’s
good.
Chapter 3 Why?
You may be asking who is Moose? Well, he is a clown. Got it? Okay, you may
also be wondering why Dr. Muffin needs a clown for his magnet. Well he just
does. I hope that answers your questions!
Chapter 4 Moose says Moo
"Moo," says Moose.
Chapter 5 Moose Meets Moo
Moo runs as fast as he can. He has to warn someone of Dr. Muffin’s plan!
(Wow, that rhymes. I have a lot of dimes. I use them to buy wind chimes.
Ha, ha! Oh, uh, back to the story.) Moo runs and runs. Finally he sees a
giant tent with red and white stripes.
"There must be people in there!" thinks Moo.
Moose was just in the middle of ruining the third act when he saw the little
squirrel run into the ring. Moose at once knew something was wrong. He rushed
over to the squirrel and listened to what it had to say:
"Squeak- chatter!" says Moo
"Someone’s been stealing your acorns? I’m sorry to hear that little
squirrel," says Moose.
"Chatter- squeak!!"
"What, there’s more? …You say there is an evil doctor? And he’s
going to- Wait a minute, does this have anything to do with 30ft lima beans?
No? Okay sorry. He has a giant cheese Electro magnet and he’s going
to do WHAT with it?!! Not that! He can’t! No! Nooooooooo!!!!!" screams
Moose, "Duh, what are you still doing
here?………………….Oh, right. Tip."
Chapter 6 Evil People
Back to the warehouse…
"There is just one problem, Squack. How do we persuade this clown to come
with us?" Asks Dr. Muffin.
"Um, sir, maybe I could be of assistance," says Squack, "You see, I have
these connections-"
"What kind of connections," asks Dr. Muffin.
"Well you see-"
"See what, I don’t see anything."
"Well I have these-"
"These what? Speak up!"
" Well you see! Sir! I have these connections with the-"
"With the what?"
"Sir would you please let me finish!!"
"Okay, fine, have it your way. Nyah. You think you’re so cool, mumble
mumble, mumble.."
"Well the point is, I have these connections with the WWF."
"Hmm, what kind of ‘connections’, Squack?"
"I am very good friends with (dun, don, duunn!!) ‘THE ROCK’."
"Gasp!"
"Yes, it is pretty impressive."
"Yep."
"Yep."
"Yep."
"………………Yep."
"Alright, shut-up."
Chapter 7 Battle Scars for Hollywood Stars
We are now on a giant black cruise ship. It has big red fangs on the front.
The sort of ship only very evil people would have. Guess who is aboard?
That’s right, none other than (dun, dun, duunnn!!) the evil Dr. Muffin!!!
(Evil guitar solo.) Okay, that’s where we are……….yep.
Okay. Right.
Dr. Muffin and ‘The Rock" are talking business. I don’t mean good
business, I mean bad business. Real bad. In fact, it’s so bad it’s
evil. Very evil. Yes.
"The Rock is a Hollywood wrestler, exclaims The Rock! The Rock is a star,
yells The Rock!" yells the Rock, "Why would The Rock want to do something
stupid like that, questions? This angers The Rock!!"
The Rock breaks off a leg of the nearest table.
"You will pay for your insolence!!" shouts the Rock in a Darth Vader kind
of voice.
He is using the leg as a kind of bat.
Dr. Muffin is hiding behind Squack. He is holding him like a shield from
the Rock.
"Please don’t hurt me!" squeals Dr. Muffin.
"I am going to rip off your arm off and beat you to death with it, yells
The Rock!" shouts the Rock, "I am going to do to you what I did to that table,
shouts The Rock! The Rock says that he is going to squeeze you so hard your
guts come out of –"
"Okay, okay! I get the point already!" says Dr. Muffin, " Sheesh!"
Just then the Rock let out a viscous war cry and slammed the leg on
Squack’s head. It launched him off the ship and into the water. Immediately
after Squack hits the water a giant 747 crashes right on top of him. Then
both the plane and Sqack sink down
down
down.
"Now that was a freak accident," says Dr. Muffin.
"Yeah… weird," says the Rock.
Suddenly Dr. Muffin remembered the bazooka he kept in his back pocket. He
pulled it out and pointed it at the Rock.
"Okay buddy it’s my way or the freeway…… or something," says
Dr. Muffin.
"Okay, okay. The Rock will kidnap the clown for you," says the Rock.
"Good, good…Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!" laughs Dr. Muffin.
Chapter 8 Achoo (gezuntight)
We find Moose in New York, walking up and down the streets
looking for Dr. Muffin. He is mumbling to himself:
"Mumble, mumble, mumble… duh, guhh, umm, mumble, mumble. Giant cheese
Electro magnet. Lima bean. Whee! Sledding on pudding."
He walks in front of a weird shop called:
THE I.T.C.H.
Hippie Heaven
-It’s Quacktastic!-
A man with purple glasses, long hair, and flowers on his clothes jumped out
and said:
"Whoa, dude! Are you some sort of hippie master? Whoa! All bow down! Whoa!"
"Duh, my name is Goose, no Moose. He, I, someone is looking for- I like cheese,"
said Moose.
"Whoa… uh, cool. I’m Achoo. This, my friend, is the I.T.C.H. The
International Thing for Cool Hippies. We like flowers and stuff… it’s
fun."
"Oh right… there’s something I need to tell you."
"What?"
"Don’t do drugs."
"No, seriously. I am a hippie."
"Duh, okay."
"Quack!"
"Where’d that come from?!"
"Excuse me. Duh, do you know where a phone is?"
"There’s a payphone right around the corner."
"Corn- ear?"
"That way."
Chapter 9 Payphone Rage
Moose walks up to the payphone.
"Dang, no shiny thingys," says Moose, "Got to find 35 c’s."
"Anyperson gots any c’s?!!"yells Moose.
A burglar that was stealing an old lady purse yelled back:
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? DID YOU SAY YOU WANTED A ‘C’? SHUT-
UP!"
"Umm, I need thirty- five c’s so I can make a phone call."
"Oh, you need thirty- five cents," said the burglar.
"No, actually, I need thirty- five c’s."
"Well, um… take this shiny thingy and this other shiny thing. Hello!
Duh, I’m an idiot! Duhhh! Duh! Duh! Duh!"
Moose is angry. (You would be too!)
"Argh! PAYPHONE RAGE!!!" screams Moose. Moose starts kicking the phone, "Ow!"
Moose is jumping around in circles screaming and looking like a complete
idiot, "Duh, stupid phone!" says Moose as he spanked the phone.
Moose dials a number.
Chapter 10 Squack Returns
"Um, hello?" says Moose.
"Hello, this is ‘We Let You Borrow a Car then You Give it Back to Us
Later Along with Fifty Dollars Place’, how may I help you?"
"Duh, I want to rent a car," says Moose.
"Okay, we’ll have one there in less than five minutes, or your money
back!"
"Um, okay," thinks Moose.
After about five minutes a car pulled up and a man covered in bandages stepped
out. Moose is still on the phone.
"Did you ask for a car?" asks the man.
"Duh, yeah," says Moose, still talking into the phone.
"Well take it."
"Um… okay…"
Moose tries to get into the phone by the coin slot.
"Are you looking for the evil Dr. Muffin?" asks the man.
"Um, yes," says Moose in a nervous voice.
"He’s in Meanietown, Texas in an abandoned warehouse."
"Uh, thank you…"
"What?! I don’t look that weird with all these bandages do I?"
"No… of course not… Uh, thanks again."
"I’m Squack. A plane fell on me. Here," says Squck as he hands Moose
a bomb belt, "Take this."
"Okay, bye."
Moose drives off, "Don’t do drugs," Moose says to himself.
A Porsche skids out in front of Moose and slows down a lot so Moose slams
into it. Then it drives off.
"Duh, hey! That wasn’t very nice!" says Moose, "Do not try to get away-
‘resistance is futile’!"
Uh, oh! The after affects of payphone rage- ROAD RAGE!
Chapter 11 I am The Rock
We find The Rock at a wrestling game in Hollywood fighting "Mr. Happy
Guy"
"I am going to win states The Rock!" states The Rock.
"Yeah? Well I’ve just got one question for you," says Mr. Happy Guy,
"Do you like my costume? I just love pink!"
The Rock’s cell phone rings.
"Yeah, whatever. Hang on, I’ve got a call," says The Rock as he picks
up his phone, "Hello?"
"What are you doing?! You’re supposed to be kidnapping that clown!"
"Oh, hi Doctor. Yeah, I’m working on it. Okay. What? Fired? Why you-
oh well… Okay, bye," says the Rock, "Argh! That guy makes me angry exclaims
The Rock!" exclaims The Rock.
"Hey, maybe we should talk this over, or have a group hug… uh- oh,"
says Mr. Happy Guy.
The Rock picks up Mr. Happy Guy and throws him far out into the crowd.
"The winner!" shouts the announcer, holing up The Rock’s arm.
Chapter 12 New Allies
We find Moose on a main street trying to shove the Porsche driver’s
head into his exhaust pipe
A monster truck pulls up next to Moose. The Rock steps out of the car.
"Ahhh!!!" screams the Porsche driver, "Okay! I give up! Take the car! Ahhh!!!"
"Okay, bye," says Moose.
"Okay Moose! The Rock states that we are going to get that Dr. Muffin! The
Rock argues that no one fires The Rock! Right, questions The Rock! Let’s
go, Moose!" shouts The Rock.
The Rock takes out a giant chaingun and starts shooting it in the air like
a maniac. He is screaming and foaming at the mouth.
"Uh- oh… PYCHO!" thinks Moose.
They both speed off to Dr. Muffin’s hideout.
Chapter 13 Hideout
Moose and The Rock pull up to the warehouse (Dr. Muffin’s hideout).
There is one guard in front
of the warehouse. He has a monkey puppet on his hand. The puppet is holding
a little spear.
The guard is throwing his voice so that it sounds like the monkey is talking.
It talks in a voice exactly like Elmo (from Seasame Street). We can hear
the monkey talking: "Well personally, I think a giant cheese Electro magnet
is a wonderful idea!" says the monkey.
"I still don’t see how getting all the cheese on Earth is going to get
him to rule the world. Also, why does he need a clown?" asks the guard, "What
does that have to do with an Electro magnet? And how does the magnet attract
cheese? How does- "
"Oh shut up! You see it all works like this-"
The monkey stops talking and looks at Moose, who has just gotten out of the
car and walked up to the guard.
"- Halt! You can’t go in there! Go away!"
"Duh, umm. Um, duh umm, umm. Uhhh…-"
"What the clown is trying to say," says The Rock, "is…. Die!!!!"
The Rock takes out his chaingun and - ***
" - I is a person that Dr. Muffin wants to see… yes," says Moose.
"Oh! Well why didn’t you say so! Right this way!" replies the monkey.
The guard leads Moose up to Dr. Muffin’s office.
"Ahh, Moose! I see you have come just as I suspected," says Dr. Muffin in
an evil voice.
"You knew that?!" says Moose, astonished.
"Well, um, OF COURSE! I am The Brilliant Dr. Muffin!"
"I thought it was the Evil Dr. Muffin."
"Well, it was… but now it’s not!"
"Oh," says Moose, "Let me ponder this for a while…"
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
*** Whoops! got a little carried away, there! I had to edit that part out,
too violent. The Rock has left to go fight "Stone Cold".
Chapter 14 Ponder
Ponder…
Chapter 15 Boom Ha, Ha
"Moose it is time for you to go into my giant cheese Electro magnet so I
can rule the world!" yells Dr. Muffin.
Moose knows what he must do. He has to set off the bomb once he is inside
the magnet.
Dr. Muffin leads him to an enormous magnet. They walk up to the door. Dr.
Muffin is about to push Moose in, whet Moose takes off the bomb belt from
under his shirt. He shoves Dr. Muffin in and throws in the belt after him.
The bomb is about to go off! Moose was planning on running away, but instead
he just stands there and laughs at Dr. Muffin.
"HA, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
ha, ha!!!"
The bomb goes off and Moose, Dr. Muffin, and the guard all die.
THE WORLD IS SAVED!
Yay!
Chapter 16 Stuff
The Rock-
"I am the rock, states The Rock!" states The Rock! "AHHH, HA HA, HA, HA!!!"
The Writer-
Hello! Nya, nya, nya!
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